Change



There is something in his eyes I wish to know. Everything’s changing I know, but my gut feelings are telling me that’s it’s for worse. This is what I fear – to know that his love for me is actually fading and for worst, without him himself realizing that. I am scared for that day to come, when I will ask the blue skies where his love has gone, where his eyes are looking, and for whom is he breathing now for? …

Who am I to begin with? What in me is supposed to likable eh? I can never be the kind of girlfriend he would ever like. I don’t know what’s supposed to do when in a relationship. Having no experience whatsoever, I admit, all the faults are on my side. The only thing I could do, whether wrong or right is to love, love, and love.

I cannot see but I can feel that this wouldn’t be everlasting as I would hope. He is definitely blooming. He is looking good, and better, Before I know it, he would be at his best. And for that matter, I can’t look at him.

There comes the time I pity myself. Any man won’t even glance with an ugly fat girl like me. Moreover, I know I cannot satisfy anyone in bed because I’m not that attractive and I don't have the stamina to go for rounds. I hate to be compared, but here am I comparing myself from his previous girlfriend. I would never ever be as good and as cunning like her when it comes to bed. HAHA
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Seeing merely his looks changing little by little makes me question myself. Do I deserve this guy? Does he deserve someone like me? When in fact, I’m just a 15 year old girl who is merely lost in her huge dreams? I can tell. His eyes are telling me, I am not the type of girl he would be serious with for long. He even doesn’t like to talk with me about his future plans etcetera. But nonsense, since he would just deny it, and much worse, he really doesn’t know it, yet…

Seriously, when will I come to back to my sanity and stop clinging onto this man? When will I stop this craziness and let this man go? When will I finally accept that I was really never meant for him to begin with? When in reality I just snatched him from his previous woman? When will this madness end? And goodness gracious, when will a miracle happen? A miracle that we could and would be together despite all the odds…

Final thought eh? I DON’T WANT YOU TO LEAVE ME …

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