Growing up: College



There were so many changes in my life since I migrated here in Philippines. It's inevitable but why so sudden and rapid?


I'm currently studying in University of Santo Thomas, 1st Year Legal Management Student in the Faculty of Arts and Letters, and this is all for my ambition to become a lawyer. Rather than just a dream, I'm walking forward and surpassing all trials to attain it, I think? I honestly admit I'm not doing my best or rather I never had done my best. Elementary or High School, and nothing changes even now that I'm in college. I'm grade conscious and all but it feels like I can't give it my all. I don't know why but I'm not really studying, yet my grades are still good. I am not bragging but rather I'm guilty. I do not deserve these grades, that's what I honestly feel. Coming home from school, I rarely open my books and do my assignments, I just read manga, watch anime and dramas, and facebook all the time. I feel like I'm cheating. Honestly. Oh well, that's for my academic life.

On the other hand, I became a loner. Not exactly alone, I do have friends and all, but I don't feel them. I'm stuck with my old friends whom I all met in my former hometown, Jeddah Saudi Arabia. There's no bond at all at right now. I still feel alone. I feel unwanted. It's like no one understands me. I wonder if there's such thing as a barrier that hinders me from being understood by others. Well, total opposite in the online world. I do have many friends. Many adores me, many admires me, many tries to steal my heart, but it isn't enough. That's why I deactivated my account which gave me those feelings. I'd rather invest time and effort on making friends here in the real world. But I guess it isn't just for me, having best friends that is. Oh well, that's for my social life.

Boyfriend eh? All-in-one man. He's my best friend, my boyfriend, my soon-to-be-husband. The only reason why I still have my sanity here in this country is because of him. But really, problems would never stop coming. My relationship is DAMN forbidden. I hate that part really. And so moving on, imagine living in a country where neither your parents or siblings are. How lonely, since I grew up with them. Imagine living in a house where even if the persons living there are your own  family are all depressed. No comes a day where there no lectures or sermons or no one is angry. It's very different from the environment I used to live in. I was never confronted with the harshness of life and money till I lived here. I rarely felt the problems, like life is problematic and such. I lived in a half-paradise before, but I dare say, I live in a half-hell environment now. Oh well, that's my love and family life.

My blog life, I am rarely posting, but I'm trying my best to post again and again. I miss writing poems, composing songs and all, maybe I should write one. Later, I will. (:

That's it for now.

Good Day everyone! :)

Sorry for the wrong grammars and all, I'm drunk T_T

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