Proposition

To love is to leave yourself hanging.

                     You don't think of yourself, can't even bother to. All attention diverted to your partner. When you buy for yourself, you think twice, thrice or quadruple times! And it so amazing that when you buy for your partner, you don't even need to think, even once! It's amazing that love will do this to a once very selfish person like you. 

Indeed, love is like that. But only at first.

                    You may leave yourself hanging at first, but you will get back at the right track in the long run. Let's use myself as an example. At first I strongly felt the same way. Definitely I lost myself to love. But it is also love who brought me back to myself again. If you know what I mean. It's definitely hard to explain, but I am doing it for the sake of sharing. Losing balance, straying off from the right path, forsaking your own safety and needs - these have been happening to me. Every now and then. Yet I improved significantly. I have been grasping things every now and then, looking for my own balance, finding it, losing it, finding it, endless cycle. I know I am a sucker at balancing. Well the balance here is the weight of my love to myself compared to my partner. It is like being stupid to being wise; being fool to being clever.

                       So this balance I've been stressing off for a while really matters a lot. Let's say perhaps my love for my partner is taking up so much space in my heart that the love for myself got only 2%, what do you think would happen to me if my dearest partner leave me? The answer will be: my world will crumble. I intently use the word 'will' cause I am pretty sure about this if this was my case. And it did happen for a week indeed. But after the crumbling of my world, and my balance set at point zero, everything turned out well eventually. A proof that there is a rainbow after the rain. My world didn't exactly fix itself. Some pieces are lost and I know they are finding their way back. Some are totally gone, known by instinct. But everything goes naturally, nothing could go back to perfect once broken.

                     In simple words, that was the first time my heart did break.  I mean it literally because I can feel needles, a thousand or more needles piercing in my heart. That tiny little awful pain in your heart repeating again and again when you are hurt, or when you reminisce every bad moment in your whole relationship. Again, can you see now the importance of balance? Yes fucking balance. Well the most I could do if I put it into mathematical statements: I would love my partner 70% and myself 30%. However, it only applies in this world, externally. But in my world? I love myself and my partner without numbers, and I dare to say infinitely. I believe my heart, and every heart is bottomless, with a space extending beyond our body, beyond the realms of the unknown. Love is all around us. It is the nucleus of every matter and energy, chemically, scientifically, and biologically speaking. 

Isn't it nice? To strongly believe in something. You, do you have a proposition? :)

Solution

Solution
by Ren Concha

The spaces between our fingers
The emptiness that lingers

This intense emotion of neither happiness nor sadness
This poignant eyes desperately yearning for belongingness

A human being living with such history
Suffering the ruins in deep solitary

How could she ever be brimming of radiance
When the riddle of love is an extreme hindrance

Such puzzles entwined preordained to torment
The labyrinth of unknown serpents as opponent

Each moment left in wide isolation
Appears this anxious feeling of desolation

Apparently you are the only answer and resolution
To every problem of mine that needed a solution

Probably you are the answer to the riddle
And the path to the labyrinth's puzzle

Play the role you are predestined to in my life's tragedy
and Make the rest a worthwhile transformation to romance-comedy

Rants of fallen woman

Eyes closed
I can still feel his breath near me..
I can still hear his voice full of affection..
Then I opened my eyes
With the thought of wanting to hug him
But the moment I opened my eyes
He is nowhere in my sight
Then I came to realization
That, that was just an illusion

When will I ever wake up
And live once again
Make a meaning to my existence
Make up to every moment that's lost
I feel emptiness
I feel betrayal
But no one cares
The world still goes on
This self-pity
This unimaginable misery
The ruins of the broken heart
needless to say,
the scarred soul

I became a beast
The moment I believed in
They say that love is forever
Your forever is all that I need
They say forever is real
What now

Honestly I couldnt live on
Kissing the old pictures
Reminiscing old happiness
Rereading our old conversations
Fixing the broken things
Hurting myself in doing that
Cursing the time
Everyone says move on
My mind agrees
My heart continues to sink
Confused
Tormented
Sulking
A human being not human
I dont know

Comparisons
Blaming other people
Hating myself
Hating the world
inevitable changes
shouting
in rage
full of fire

you..
the man I ever love
my first love, my first boyfriend
my first memories, my everlasting happiness
firsts dont give a damn
i need you to be my last
i need myself to be your last

agony
agony
yes long agony
a lifetime of agony

crouching
on bended knees crying softly
that softly goes loudly
such a total mess I have become
where are you
i plea
i beg
for your love
to welcome you back
to imagine you are here
my dignity lost
i know its not right
i know there's no excuses
i know it is a crime
to love too much
is truly a crime
with a punishment of a lifetime suffering and scars

i just want you to love me again
but it seems like a mission impossible for you
i want to see you happy
but i want to see myself happy too.

so im terribly
very sorry,
it would take a lifetime for me
to learn the art of letting go.


Rant again

Wordplay
by Ren Concha

the ocean cries
light to dark
everyone dies
left no spark

red to blue
what it means
old to new
i wish it was

playing with words
really fun
jungling swords
dead and gone

you understand
pointless structure
breaking bond
you get the picture

Ano ba talaga?

Ano ba talaga?
by Ren Concha

Mahirap makipagsapalaran sa larangan ng pag-ibig.
Maraming hindi inaasahan, hindi rin maiaalis ang masaktan.
minsan puno ng panaghoy, minsan puno ng saya
ngunit konti lang ang pinalad, nakahihigit parin ang nabibigo.

May mga nararamdamang hindi maipaliwanag,
hindi rin maisiwalat.
Bawat sandali ay puno ng mysterio
Tila ba'y nababalot ng majika.

Hindi maipaliwanag ang ganda ng ngiti kapag kayo na
hindi rin maipintang mukha kapag naghiwalay na.
Samu't saring katanungan ang bumabagabag
Tulirong tuliro sa buhay

Ano ba talaga

Minsan kasi mas mahal ni babae si lalaki
Minsan din mas mahal ni lalaki si babae
Bakit hnd pwedeng parehas ng gramo ng pagmamahal
Wala ng mas pa o nakalalamang

Ang hirap eh, magulo talaga eh
Hinagpis nalang dahil kulang ang salita
Nakakabwisit, nakakainis
Bakit hindi pwede maging pantay

Kailangan pa kasi mawalan ng gana
Bat pa kasi may pustahan pa ng paramihan ng minahal eh
Bat pa kasi may singit na third party kung minsan
Nakakairita sa pakiramdam

Lalo na kapag first time mong magmahal
Hindi mo alam kung anong tawag sa pakiramdam na yun
Kapag ipinapaliwanag sa salita
Parang nasa bingit ka ng hiwalayan

Desperado ka na buhayin ang namamatay na apoy
Lahat ng effort gagawin mo
Magbubulag bulagan sa sakit ng paso na natatamo
Mapasiklab lang muli ang apoy na naglalaho na

Minsan napapagod na
pero paggising hala sige sa parin sa pagsuyo
ngunit dati naman ikaw ang laging sinusuyo
sakto talaga ung kantang 'Tunay na mahal'
try mo pakinggan

minsan naiisip na maghanap nalang ng iba
pero kasi natatakot makarma
kaya wag nalang
hala sige nalang sa pagpapakatanga

umaasa nalang dumating si prince charming
pero umaasa din na bigla siyang magbago
at hilahin ang kamay ko
at suotan ng singsing

nakakatakot talaga ang pag-ibig
san san dinadala ang imahinasyon mo
kani kanino nalang binibigay ang puso mo.
bigla nalang din, sanhi ng kamatayan mo

hays tama na nga
baka tamarin na ang mambabasa