Rants of fallen woman

Eyes closed
I can still feel his breath near me..
I can still hear his voice full of affection..
Then I opened my eyes
With the thought of wanting to hug him
But the moment I opened my eyes
He is nowhere in my sight
Then I came to realization
That, that was just an illusion

When will I ever wake up
And live once again
Make a meaning to my existence
Make up to every moment that's lost
I feel emptiness
I feel betrayal
But no one cares
The world still goes on
This self-pity
This unimaginable misery
The ruins of the broken heart
needless to say,
the scarred soul

I became a beast
The moment I believed in
They say that love is forever
Your forever is all that I need
They say forever is real
What now

Honestly I couldnt live on
Kissing the old pictures
Reminiscing old happiness
Rereading our old conversations
Fixing the broken things
Hurting myself in doing that
Cursing the time
Everyone says move on
My mind agrees
My heart continues to sink
Confused
Tormented
Sulking
A human being not human
I dont know

Comparisons
Blaming other people
Hating myself
Hating the world
inevitable changes
shouting
in rage
full of fire

you..
the man I ever love
my first love, my first boyfriend
my first memories, my everlasting happiness
firsts dont give a damn
i need you to be my last
i need myself to be your last

agony
agony
yes long agony
a lifetime of agony

crouching
on bended knees crying softly
that softly goes loudly
such a total mess I have become
where are you
i plea
i beg
for your love
to welcome you back
to imagine you are here
my dignity lost
i know its not right
i know there's no excuses
i know it is a crime
to love too much
is truly a crime
with a punishment of a lifetime suffering and scars

i just want you to love me again
but it seems like a mission impossible for you
i want to see you happy
but i want to see myself happy too.

so im terribly
very sorry,
it would take a lifetime for me
to learn the art of letting go.


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